I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
