You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
