i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
