What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
