Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
