I should be sponsored by Trojan
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
