Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
