I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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