Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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