she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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