And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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