How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
