Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
