I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
