Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
