If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
