I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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