i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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