I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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