so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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