This is not my ceiling
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize