it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
