I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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