i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My life is pants optional.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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