Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize