I'm really into asian looking animals
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
