Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
