well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
