bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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