Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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