Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
