So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
