she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
