it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
