I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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