the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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