I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
