He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
