I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize