i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
