I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
