i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
