i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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