I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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