can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
