she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
