If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
