There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My ATM looks so different sober.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
