none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
