I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
