youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
