I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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