So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize