I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
