I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize