I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
