I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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