dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
