Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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