I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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