Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
