He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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