dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
