Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
