Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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