tell your sister to shave her snatch
farters have to be the big spoon...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
