i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
