Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
