the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
