i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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