Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize