your parents love me but you hate me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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