Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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