dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
