So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize