dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
