She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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